Free business audit
We will tell you what is leaking before you pay us anything
We become a prospective customer for a day: we call during your busiest hour, submit your own web form, message whatever channels you have published, and look at your site on a mid-range phone on mobile data. Then we write down exactly what happened.
Free · Sent in writing within five business days · No call required · Yours to keep either way
- A written document, not a slide deck
- Your four response times, side by side
- The three fixes with the best return
By requesting the audit you are agreeing that we may contact your business as a prospective customer would, on the channels you have published. We will not book an appointment, waste your team's time beyond a short call, or misrepresent ourselves if asked directly. Your details are used to run and send the audit and for nothing else.
What we check
Eight things, measured rather than estimated
Everything here is something we can observe from outside your business. We do not need access to your systems to run it, which is why it can be free, and five of the eight need nothing more than a phone, an inbox and a clock.
- How long each channel takes to answer
- We call, we submit the form, we message. Every response is timestamped. Most businesses have never seen these four numbers side by side, and the gaps between them are usually the story.
- What happens to a call you cannot take
- Rings out, engaged tone, voicemail, or an answering service. We check whether a callback happens, and when.
- What a customer finds on a real phone
- Mid-range Android, mobile data, cold cache. Your site if you have one: load time, whether prices are findable, how many taps to something that resembles booking. If you do not, whatever stands in for it — the map entry, the directory listing, the social page a customer lands on instead.
- How far a new customer gets toward booking
- Whatever the path actually is, we take it as far as a customer could without becoming one. A form that promises a callback is recorded as a request form, not as booking. A number that has to be answered is recorded as a call, and we time it.
- What happens to a question nobody answers
- We ask your site, your inbox and your WhatsApp the three questions customers actually ask — price, availability, and whether you cover them — and record what comes back and how long it took.
- Where the path stops
- Booking software, a contact form or a phone call — we follow whichever you have to the point of no return and note every question a customer cannot answer without phoning you. If phoning you is the only path, every one of those questions lands on your front desk.
- After-hours behaviour
- We repeat the key checks on an evening and a weekend, because that is when a large share of inquiries arrive and when almost nothing is tested.
- What the first five seconds say
- A plain read of what a stranger learns about your business before scrolling: what you charge, when you are open, and whether they can be seen.
Who it is for
Businesses where inquiries arrive faster than one person can answer them
Two things have to be true for the audit to find anything: people are trying to reach you on more than one channel, and someone is meant to answer them. Whether you have a website or online booking changes what we find, not whether it is worth running.
If you are a one-person business where the same person answers every call within three rings and no inquiry arrives after you close, the audit will most likely tell you that. It is a real finding and it still costs nothing, but we would rather you knew it was the likely one first.
- New customers reach you on the phone and on at least one other channel — a form, an email address, a WhatsApp number.
- Calls go unanswered at predictable hours: the lunch block, the middle of the afternoon, the evening after you close.
- Nobody has measured how long any channel takes to answer, because there has never been an obvious way to.
- You book by phone and email, with no website or online booking. That is the business the response-time table was built for, and the site checks become a record of what a customer finds instead.
- You already have a website and online booking, and suspect customers are dropping out somewhere inside them.
Deliverable
What arrives, and what does not
A document, not a pitch deck, and no meeting scheduled unless you ask for one.
- A written document, not a slide deck
- Six to ten pages, readable in fifteen minutes, with screenshots and timestamps for everything we claim. Written by a person.
- Your four response times, side by side
- Phone, form, WhatsApp and email, during hours and after hours. The single most useful table in the document.
- The three fixes with the best return
- Ranked, with an estimate of effort, and explicitly including the ones you can do yourself without hiring anyone.
- A working assistant loaded with your information
- A private link to a customer assistant built from your business's public information, so you can try to break it before you decide anything.
- No quote unless you ask for one
- The audit is the deliverable. If you want a quote for what it recommends, ask and we will send one. Otherwise the document is where it ends.
Timeline
Five business days, start to finish
The after-hours and weekend checks need real elapsed time, which is why it is five days rather than five minutes.
Day 0
You send the form
Six fields. We need your business name, where you are, and how to reach you. Nothing else is required.
Day 0
We confirm and tell you when
A reply from a person the same or next business day, confirming the window we will run the checks in. We do not tell you the exact hour, because a business expecting the call is not a business being measured.
Days 1–3
We become a prospective customer
During hours, after hours, and on a weekend. Every interaction timestamped and screenshotted.
Day 4
We write it up
Findings, the response-time table, the three fixes, and the assistant built on your public information.
Day 5
It arrives in your inbox
Yours to keep, forward to your team, or hand to another vendor. No call is scheduled unless you ask for one.
No strings
The part where we say what the catch is
There is a catch and it is an ordinary one: we hope the audit is good enough that you hire us. Everything else is genuinely as described.
- No call is required at any point, before or after.
- The document is yours to keep, forward, or hand to a different vendor.
- The fixes include ones you can do yourself, and we say which those are.
- We will not follow up more than twice. If you go quiet we leave you alone.
- You are not added to any list, because we do not have one.
- If the audit shows you do not need us, the document will say that.
Audit FAQ
Asked before signing
One short call, the length of an ordinary new-customer enquiry, plus a form submission and a message. We do not book an appointment and we do not keep anyone on the phone. If a member of your team asks directly whether we are a real customer, we tell them the truth.
No. Everything in the audit is observable from outside. That is deliberate — it is what makes it possible to give away, and it means you are not granting anything to a company you have not hired.
Those are generated by a tool that scans a page and emails you a score. This is a person contacting your business on four channels, at different times of day, and writing down what happened. The response-time table cannot be produced by a scanner.
Usually more than you would expect. Five of the eight checks are the phone, the inbox and the clock — response times, missed calls, after-hours behaviour, and the questions nobody answers — and those matter most when every booking goes through a person. The site checks become a record of what a customer finds instead of a site. The document is shorter and blunter for it.
Then the interesting part of the audit is everything else — the phone, the after-hours behaviour and what customers find when they search. Knowing the site is bad is common. Knowing that you miss a third of your calls between eleven and two is not.
The after-hours and weekend checks need real elapsed time, so five business days is genuinely the floor for a complete one. If you have a specific deadline, tell us and we will say whether we can meet it.